The Key to Relating

Most, if not all, of us have met someone that we struggle to relate with. Whether it’s the druggies at school or the shy guy wandering around on Sunday morning, most of us have encountered someone who seems difficult to talk to. Today I’d like to focus specifically on the key to relating to our brothers and sisters in Christ.

In Jesus’ final week, He spent His time with the disciples, preparing them for the things to come. Jesus comforted them, telling them about the heavenly place He was going to prepare and the Counselor that would come to them after His departure: “My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come. A new command I give to you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (Jn. 13:34-35). This new command is the key to relating to our brothers and sisters in Christ. The key to relating to all of our Christian brothers and sisters is simply to love them.

Until these last few months here at school, I had no clue how to do this. I knew that God wanted me to love my brothers and sisters in Christ, but I wasn’t sure exactly how to do that. Was it simply being kind to them or was it something more? Was it merely an attitude or was it an action? These were some of the questions I had. Through a combination of different things, God opened my eyes to several truths when it comes to relating with His body.

Truth #1: We can and should relate to everyone in the local Body of Christ. The apostle James wrote, “My brothers [and sisters], as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don’t show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?...if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers” (Js. 2:1-4; 9). It is pretty clear from this exhortation that we are not to play favorites. Perhaps the sickest result of the sin of favoritism is cliques. People get together with their favorite people every Sunday morning, at youth and in college and career. Little groups form within the larger body that take away from the unity that should be had and make outsiders feel unwelcome. As a result, people aren’t even acquainted with many people in the church. As a member of the Body of Christ we should value every other member equally. We should be going out of our way to relate to the whole local church body. To ignore the shy person, avoid the opposite sex, or shun the annoying person is no less than sin. We should have no qualms about relating to everyone in the Body of Christ. This is how we truly live in the Body.

Truth #2: Loving the Body of Christ means overcoming our fears. 1 John 4:18, says “there is no fear in love…” This is where those people whom we struggle to relate with come in. Often we avoid them out of fear of not knowing how to relate to them or not having met them. Sometimes we ignore the strangers in our local church out of fear. At some point all of us will have to conquer our fears when it comes to relating to people to obey Christ’s command of loving one another. Find your security in Christ, take a deep breath, and sit beside someone you don’t know on a Sunday morning with the intention of meeting them and getting to know them. If everyone did this, imagine the unity we would have as the Bride of Christ. Maybe try talking to at least one person you don’t know very well each Sunday. If we truly want to love people, than we need to be ready to overcome our fears of people.

Truth #3: To relate well to others through love, you must be connected to the Source. In 1 John 4:7, we are told to “love one another, for love comes from God.” The key here is that love comes from God. If we are not connected to God and living every day in a vibrant and dynamic relationship with Jesus, we cannot love other people. Love comes from God. If we are not abiding in Jesus, His love will not flow through us into other people. Likewise, we won’t be able to relate to people as easily. If you want to be able to relate to God’s people you need to rely on Him as the source of that love.

These are some of the scriptures that God has impressed upon my heart to share with you. The key to relating to other people is to love them. Love is the only language that everyone understands. From my own experience with the body of believers here at PRBI, love from God is the only thing that allows me to relate to both guys and girls, teachers and staff, sports jocks and chess nuts, fashion fanatics and heavy metal musicians. But I still, haven’t answered the important question of how to relate to our brothers and sisters in Christ by loving them.
I believe that it was the practical application of love that I misunderstood for the longest time in relating to people well. One of the easiest ways to relate to people is simply by caring about them as an individual. Naturally, the love that comes from God puts care into our hearts for one another. When you come into contact with any brother or sister in Christ, ask them questions out of a genuine care for who they are and what goes on in their lives. Greet them and ask them how they are doing. If you don’t already know their name, then ask them. Once you are acquainted with a person, the passage of time creates wonderful opportunities. Pay attention to who you see when you go places. Ask them how their day or week was. Ask them about the things that interest them or the people that are close to them. There is no set pattern or formula when it comes to relating to people, but if you ask people questions about their life, who they are, or what interests them out of a genuine love for that person as a brother in sister in Christ, relating to them should get easier and easier.

Another way to relate to people is through sharing your own life or experience with them. If someone asks you how you are doing, then be open and honest with them. Most of the time if, you open up to people a little, they will open up to you. Maybe a story you share will remind the person of something in their own life or experience that they will in turn share with you. Next thing you know, you’re relating well with a brother or sister in Christ. If a story you tell is funny then you are relating through humor.

Probably some of the smallest details that have the biggest expressions are the smile and the greeting. When you walk by someone say hi, good morning, or hey. When they look to see who is addressing them, than give them a warm smile. Smile and greet Christians you don’t know out of love and knowledge that they are your brother or sister in Christ. Greet and smile at Christians you do know using their name. It’s amazing when you realize how effectively this shines God’s love into a believer’s life. If you are connected to God and His love, then you will have it to give to others.

Finally, keep a watchful eye for the needs of others. If you see a need that you can meet, then do it. Show love through an encouragement note. Sit down and pray with the person. If you don’t feel equipped to meet their needs but know someone who is then point them to that person. God’s love can also be given through a birthday or get-well card. Ministering to people in the body of Christ is showing God’s love, building into each member and is also relating with them.

There’s a lot to think about when it comes to relating to people. Feel free to comment on how this applies to you as an individual, share your experiences, or simply relate